I've been doing a lot of self reflecting this past week, and one of the things I realised was how we tend to confuse sexuality with life style choices, as if the life style we choose to have, the gender we choose to settle down with, is reflective of our overall sexuality. Well, I'm here to tell you, it is not! The super power us bisexuals have is that we do have a choice - and in fact, all humans have a choice - in who we date or marry or spend our life with. I even recall a tiktok video where a gay man and a straight woman declared they were still going to remain married even though he had just come out as gay and she had accepted him. This was one of the many videos on tiktok that touched my heart, because at the end of the day, no matter what we identify as or who we love, it does not affect our choices unless we allow them to. Some people fall head over heels in love but don't necessarily end up with the person they're in love with, because there are certain choices that both parties have made that make it impossible for them to be together. One tv show I will praise is Heartstopper, for their representation of bisexuality; up til the latest season, I have been struggling with talking about my bisexuality like it's valid and real, a part of me always felt like I was kidding myself and needed to pick a side. But then I heard the character of Nick say "I'm bi actually" and it warmed my heart, because here is someone I wish I could be: confident, proud and certain about themselves and not afraid to admit they love both yet can still choose to stay loyal to one person. He is my number 1 bisexual icon! And he has come along at a time when I really needed to accept myself and understand I am allowed to be attracted to both genders and allowed to choose what kind of life I have, with no one projecting their beliefs and ideals onto me.
Sometimes I do come across friends and family who refer to me as gay/lesbian because I prefer women; I don't mind it, but like Nick I do find myself saying "I'm bi actually", and yes it's cheesy, yes it's annoying and repetitive, but it's an important distinction to make in my opinion!
One thing I will say is don't ever assume someone's sexuality based on the person they are with, and don't judge someone for making what seems like contradictory life choices. I don't know what life has in store for me, but I feel a lot more accepting of myself and the possibilities that are out there, regardless of what my preferences are. I've learnt this year you can't control the opportunities or people that enter your life, so you might as well not put pressure on yourself to pick a side or stay rooted to one spot. There are times when I feel it would be a lot easier if I wasn't bisexual, as I could have fewer options to choose from - but then on tiktok one lesbian said to me they wished they were bisexual so they had more choice! So that goes to show you should just be happy in the skin you're in and learn to go with the flow. There's a reason for everything!